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59 | Why Endings are Necessary, Selfless, and Essential to Living a Confident Life

If there’s one thing women struggle with more than body confidence, it’s how to end something without feeling guilty.

We are conditioned to say yes to everyone and everything.

Saying no in the beginning is hard, but what’s even harder is saying no after giving it your best effort.

The craziest part about it is that endings happen all the time.

Endings are what make beginnings possible in the first place.

We don’t feel sad that the past year is over, we’re excited to see what they new year brings!

The same is true with other endings in your life, if you let it.

In this episode, I’m sharing why endings are necessary and, when done right, will allow your confidence to flourish.

Life is a Circle, Not a Line

If you’re always expecting yourself to be “moving forward” or progressing in every area of your life, get ready for disappointment.

Everything in nature ebbs and flows.

The seasons come and go, tides raise and lower, and animals have instincts for when to migrate or hibernate.

Do you really think humans are different?

We resist the cycles because we want to feel productive, like we’re achieving things.

But endings are part of the cycles we go through in our lives.

To feel like a failure because of an ending is a little stupid, because endings are necessary in order for something better to begin.

Do you judge the tree in the fall for losing its leafs or do you welcome the autumn and winter?

The same is true of changes and cycles in our lives.

You body is changing, relationships change, careers change, and all of this means some things need to end.

The Difference Between Hurting and Harming

You think if you end something, you’re going to harm to other person involved.

This is a very common fear and reason to avoid ending something.

The difference between a necessary ending and an unnecessary ending is whether you’re inflicting hurt or harm.

Harm is unnecessary pain, but hurt is necessary pain that helps someone learn a lesson.

Think about it in terms of medicine or surgery.

In order to heal properly, sometimes you need to inflict necessary pain (or hurt) in order for things to get better.

When you realize something needs to end, you have to be okay hurting someone or something temporarily so that things can heal and get better.

This is why it takes so much confidence to end things.

But the worst thing you can do is continue down a path that’s wrong for you and other people involved.

This can be with relationships, friendships, and especially the relationship you have with yourself.

Ending My Engagement with Confidence

The difference between my engagement ending and my toxic relationship ending is that I didn’t lose myself in this relationship.

My toxic relationship made me question who I was and my self worth.

This time I was very mindful about protecting my identity outside of the relationship.

I trust myself to be okay on my own and continue building the life I’m meant to live.

When you realize the difference between the way things are and the way you want them to be, things shift pretty fast.

My relationship wasn’t the way I wanted it to be and no matter what I tried, it wasn’t enough to get him to change.

I learned in Henry Cloud’s book, Boundaries, that you can’t waste energy trying to influence the actions of others.

You can’t change people, but you can change your behavior.

After 3 years of that, I noticed all our disagreements had a pattern. They weren’t isolated issues, everything kept resurfacing because it was never properly resolved.

It takes two active and willing people to facilitate healthy resolutions.

Without that, it’s time for a necessary ending.

End Your Toxic Relationship With Yourself

Have you ever thought the most unhealthy relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself?

I realized that a few years ago because it was blatantly obvious.

But what about when it’s not so obvious? More of a dull pain than a searing burn?

Play the movie forward.

Imagine yourself thinking and feeling this way in 3 months, 1 year, and 5 years.

How will these negative thoughts prevent you from enjoying things like your wedding, vacations, time with loved ones, your career, etc?

If you don’t find out what’s causing these thoughts, there’s little hope in challenging them.

Which is why I created a VIP day of coaching with me.

If you’re ready to end the belief that “this is just how I am” and start building your confidence, sign up for yours here.

How would it feel to be in a place where you could leave your fiance without having a breakdown?

(I’m not saying to end your relationship, but I’m saying THAT is a new level of confidence)

What if you could walk away from the negative self talk and criticism you have in your mind?

How much energy would you get back if you stopped putting all your focus on trying to look perfect?

What would you make room for if you stopped obsessing over what other people think?

The best way to get started is through this VIP day because we go deep into the first phase of my signature method for building confidence.

When you complete this VIP day, you’ll leave with so much insight on where your criticism is coming from. Once you have that understanding, you have so much more power over what to do next.

 

Links:

VIP day with Rebekah

Necessary Endings – Henry Cloud

Boundaries – Henry Cloud

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January 3, 2019

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